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It has been two months since I stopped watching movies, shows and similar content. And it has been a little over a month since I stopped actively listening to music. At first, I replaced them with podcasts and audiobooks. But even those, I stopped listening to.
That's ninety percent of my daily routine, gone in the span of thirty days.
It might seem like a misinformed take on an efficient life. A 'hustle' mentality, where you only focus on optimization and maximizing productivity. But it really isn't. I'm in no form a hustler, nor a guru. I'm just a brain trying to be itself.
Before the shift, I was constantly hooked on something, anything. An earbud in my ear was a must, even as I slept—hell, I couldn't sleep unless I had something playing in the background. It was like an intravenous line of constant narcotics. It kept me calm, and kept all thoughts away. It tamed my hopes, and took the edge off of my fears. My life was one white haze of nothingness, and I was there as a body with no soul. A sad existence.
I am terrified of stepping back into the old cycle. I'm afraid I'll find my brain once again dormant, after it started to germinate. I have my hands cupped around this little flame, protecting it against the hurricane hellbent on extinguishing it.
I want to live, to truly live, not just exist.